A Better Plan

"Be strong and courageous" - Joshua 1:9. As I walked down the stairs and onto the bus that would take me off of the mountain I have now called home for two year I said those words to myself over and over again. I pulled them close to my heart as if letting them go would result in me losing myself in a wave of failure that I would not be able to fight.
After saying goodbye to my closest friends many emotions flooded my heart as I stepped on the bus that would take me to the most beautiful airport I can now say I have seen (that is also just my biased opinion). I was about to begin a new season with my King and Father, and I was both nervous and ready.

You should know, dear reader, that nine years ago I had told my Dad that I would never go to the countries of Asia, save Russia. Up until December 2017 that had been my thinking until God started to change the posture of my heart. I had no idea that He was going to be taking me to the last place I ever wanted to go. I discovered that God really does have a sense of humor, as one of our global workers once said when I asked them about their journey to this city.

So off I go to the place I so long rejected - and louder then all the fears was this excitement for what the Father was going to do, for I knew that this was not happening just because.
I did not see what had been done inside of my heart that Christmas season and the news that I that I received two months later as a coincidence. I sat in a plane for 12 hours and arrived at our dormitory with these thoughts running through my head straight down to my heart. I stood on the open patio that evening and stared out at the stars under the incredible heat that engulfed me. I laughed to myself and smiled up at heaven thanking and praising God for showing me this year that His plans are better and His plans are higher.

A week later I found myself surrounded by a group of students who had gathered to worship the King and listen to a few crazy Canadians share their thoughts about scripture reading. We were asked to share our favorite bible verse with an explanation. I sat there afraid to speak because as you will find out in later blog entries, I walked much of my time in this beautiful country fearful and insecure. However as I pondered which verse to share I confidently settled on the one verse that carried me through elementary, high school and now college:

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

- Jeremiah 29:11

Following the reading of the verse I shared my lack of desire to come to their country. My unwilling heart to go overseas for the sake of the gospel for many many years. Now that is all I want to do; and the country that I held such dislike towards is the very country that God has used to transform my thinking, to set my life along a new path. The very place where I discovered my deepest passions and desires. The very place where He has unsettled me for His kingdom and in these exact words I said "there is no place I would rather be".

And there truly was not. I have returned home with a burden on my heart. A fire was ignited on the inside of me that I never want to burn out. All of this proving to me that what I want does not matter. What He wants is what matters. His desire becomes our desire. I can trust His plan for it is good. This year my life did not go the way that I thought it would. I did not do half of what I wanted to do. I did not accomplish or see the dreams and plans I had laid out for myself turn out the way I expected them to. I had spent my year trying to control it and have everything bend for me. I found everything bouncing back and pointing heavenward to my creator who calls me to obedience.

And so I press on clinging onto that truth. Asia was not in my plan but it has played a beautiful part in His plan for me. And it has all been good even though there were moments along the way that hurt Asia was not easy. There were days when I felt like giving up - when I felt that my being there was pointless. But I did not give up. I look back now and see the little moments when I saw the Father shine in the valley and it was not pointless. I am changed because of it; because I listened to a small voice 2 years ago that said be obedient, and one year ago He changed the desire of my heart, and this year I surrendered it all to Him. Wow. His plans are good. The future looks so much brighter.

May this encourage you to trust in His plan. Whatever you are facing and struggling to let go of, can I encourage you to trust Him? To let go and let God? Let him have complete control, let Him lead you and soon you will be able to sit back and watch as He turns your life around and blesses you. Perhaps not as you expected but I promise it will result in a reward so worth while. Then you too will say "this is not what I wanted, but there is no place I would rather be."